A Little Love
上一位小可爱 @苏屿
（实名吹爆这位小可爱）
加号视角
私设很严重，设定在南加某高中，18年前
Bgm: A Little Love
The simplest love, simplest taste, simplest goal, simplest dream. All I want is, for you to hold me dearly. You bring me joy, hold me tight, held me high, gave me love. This tender feeling, is the purest form of love.
This melody swims around my head, for days upon days upon days. Ever since that day, the starking realization, of the formidable love. The fears and guilt piles high, feeling shame walking around deserted corners at night, but overcame after years built up. All I want is a simple love, I love him.
I’ve known him since middle school. Days where we see the white dove contrasting a clear blue sky, and the crisps of air refreshes each morning. We were both in band, but more interested in our games than the buttony little clarinets. Instead of honking that black stick, we would hide out in the back with our black and white Nintendo Gameboys, beeping as each Pokémon is caught. Together, each days, we did that. Sometimes caught and humiliated in front of the band, but carefree days of innocence, sharing joy with the little we had. Games, me, and him.
Carefreeness is tailored to end, sooner than we’d each expect. Those relaxing days over-drowned by the tedious days we call high school. Never ending AP classes, demanding honors classes, the thousands of people extracurriculars to fake a passionate individual’s front and hide our dead insides. Naturally, we both chose marching band. Each day we’d spend hours under the sun, running back and forth along the painted white lines, and still manage to smuggle in our new colored Gameboys.
“Go into varsity” was the one thing I hated. It was an order, not suggestion. He was a terrible marcher, and he is permanently placed on junior varsity. All I wanted was to be with him, not to actually compete if he can’t. After two weeks of being ordered into varsity, I’ve had enough.
“Alex, go take my spot”
“Why?”
“Just go”
Proud of my accomplishment, and after the water break, I raised my chest and stood in Alex’s spot, right next to him.
He was talking to a bass clarinet in front of us, acting all serious. The bass clarinet gave him a disgusted look and moved away.
“What did you two talk about?”
“Can’t tell you.”
“Just tell me~”
“You won’t understand~”
“Tell me or else...!”
“You’ll find out.”
Not only until much later, did I find out, that said he loves me. At that time, I realized how much I rely on him, how much he carries my burden and absorbs my agonizing yawns.
After every rehearsal, he goes out to the parking lot with me. Waiting under the pink sky, we take our precious minutes on our Gameboy, before we’re forced home into a pile of textbooks. My dad comes early, and he always goes around the school in a big loop to the back parking lot for his mom. He really didn’t need to, but he insists.
“I just want to spend every minute I can with you.”
Holding our shiny shackos and heavy woolen purple uniform, we are well on our way to the first parade of the season. Splattered with bright neon colors all along the streets, selling giant turkey legs and huge tubs of lemonade at each stand we pass, was the LA county fair parade. We were allowed to eat and look around the intriguing fair rides before the parade, and off we ran as five year olds at a fair for the first time. Loud sounds of laughter and cheering blasts from every turn, and I hear Alan yells “three..two...ONE!” And the shutters goes off. We look at the picture of us looking at each other in the eyes, not sure what to feel.
“It’ll be printed within a few days.”
Without disgust, without avoidance, gave us the best courage we cannot ask for again.
He asked me out after the parade, after almost throwing up the triple frosted donut while marching the stretched perimeter of the fairgrounds. Under the blossoming light green tree anchoring it’s roots along older trees, he kissed me on the lips, without going first for the cheeks. Hidden by the trunk, shielded from all others, was out little bubble of protection against all insulting looks from others.
Without thought, I agreed.
Like any couple, we saved our dollars, and headed towards movie theaters, to watch the newest release of Lord of the Rings. Bringing premises of fantasy, and a safe haven for couples like us to be unseen, we chose a seat in the very corner, to be undisturbed by alienated looks. We held hands, and quietly kissed with worries pushed to the back of my head.
Walking along the cold, windy streets in the middle of the December frost, we reach an alley of shops decorated with Christmas lights. Festive jingle bells ring, despite being only mid December. Numerous couples has walked by holding hands and giggling along with smiles as big as their face, and anger rose. Why can they do it, not us? Unable to find an answer, I reach out my tiny hands, for his warm bear hands. Unexpectedly, he holds my hand tight, unwilling to let go no matter what force pushes upon. In the moment, we forgot about all the dirty looks and disheartening talks around us. We marched down the alley, head held high, and hands held tight, until we reached our houses late at night.
Sophomore year pass, junior year pass, and then senior year I’m still with him. We’ve sacrificed our little Gameboys for the studies, now college apps. Life is like a never ending cycle of stress, you never know what stress you’ll get.
We’re now section leaders, surprisingly. Once regarded as the laziest people of our section, after sophomore year, we’ve decided to put in an effort. Looking at the incoming freshmen, reminding us of our younger days.
Our road was patchy, filled with blood, tears, disappointment, agony, even seemingly erasable pain, but he held the magic eraser that erased it all for me.
We’re going to the same college, up in the north. But before that, we’re going to Turkey. A long time dream finally able to be accomplished, with family, with support of all those meaning the dearest to us. Getting past all the judging eyes, leaving it all in the past, we get ready for our new chapter.
Young and innocent times are for chasing dreams, leaving reality out of the blue.
I’ve chased mine, we chased our dreams together.
下一位小可爱 @一壶小酒
（搓搓手期待）
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